Havent posted here in a while and feel the need to do some general lifting rambling. I posted in here about two years ago that I had finally benched 315 as I had wanted to do for a few years at that point. I started lifting in early 2014ish and everything sorta built up to that. Since then, I've definitely fallen off to some extent. It hasn't been an insane drop off or anything because I've continued to go lift about 5-6 days a week, but it hasn't been quite the priority it was before. In early 2022 I had just gotten my bachelor's degree, and then I got my first office job out of college a few months later. This comes in direct contrast to my main job in a grocery store through most of college, where I would routinely get like 10-15k steps on a regular basis. That and some other factors like going out and drinking more and whatever else, and I just haven't been what I used to be physically.
It's been a really weird phase for me considering how big a part of my life lifting has always been. To be completely honest, lifting helped me through a lot of hard times mentally and emotionally, just giving a productive outlet for any angst or frustration. However, as I have gotten into a better place in those areas over the years, it has had a bit of an inverse effect on my lifting. It isn't particularly shocking. These days I just care about more things than taking a ton of pre workout, going insane for an hour or 2, then not worrying about the consequences it could have on the rest of my life, whether it was having a harder time sleeping or being more anxious in general. Sure the physical results were there, but it definitely fed into my general unhappiness at the time. A lot of what drove me before was simply that I wasn't happy with where I was in my life or not feeling like I was good enough.
Of course I would much rather be in a good place emotionally than in slightly better shape with depression, but it has still been a little awkward to navigate. Even if it isn't lifting, we probably all have some sort of activity that we used to be really good at when we were younger with more time to invest in it and not as many other things to worry about in life. Then when we go back to them and aren't what we used to be, it can be pretty disheartening. That's sort of what it's been like the last couple years over time. It's not like I would dread going to the gym, but it was something I would do regularly and just go through the motions more often than I should've. However, I joined a new gym a few months ago and it is so much better than my last one it's insane. Better equipment, better environment, super close to my new apartment, etc. - basically everything you could ever hope for. I have been trying to make a point to take my workouts and nutrition more seriously again and it has lowkey made me fall in love with lifting again.
It sort of culminated in today in which I happened to be in the right mood, put on the right youtube videos, take the perfect amount of pre, etc. I was really pushing myself and came pretty close to some of my old personal bests. Sure I have been applying myself more recently, but I was fairly comfortably handling weights I hadn't even attempted in years. It put in perspective how much I was probably holding myself back by going through the motions instead of actively trying to improve and all that. Having a day like this was so encouraging after spending so much time telling everyone "i'm washed now but" whenever talking about lifting. Granted I've still probably been like 80-85% of where I was a couple years ago, but in my head for whatever reason it seemed like reaching those heights again was impossible. I just want to get back there so bad without trading off mental health or anything else that’s truly important. But yeah felt the need the word vomit all of this somewhere and thanks to anyone for reading.