Serious Apathy

[Manipulative]

Sup. I wanted to make this thread because I've been having some issues and was curious as to if there are people here dealing with the same ones. I figured that even if not, there are probably a decent amount of people dealing with similar problems or who experience apathy at least to some sort of level. Perhaps other people as well can use this thread as an outlet and a way to seek advice.

As for myself, I've been having some sort of depression for the past 6 years. I don't believe it has ever been too severe, just very long lasting. I've tried out some medication both back in middle school as well as recently (less than two months back), but neither times have they helped, and in fact, they had only made things worse. My counselor recently suggested that I have something called Dysthymia, which from my very basic understanding, is just mild but long lasting depression along with some other symptoms. One of those symptoms is apathy, something that I've been experiencing a more than fair amount for the last 6 years as well, but have recently been experiencing much more of it. At some point up until maybe two years ago, I enjoyed playing basketball. I no longer get nearly as much pleasure from it. Back in middle school, I had tried out smoking and drinking a few times, but never really felt anything from doing such things either. Sure, it's been a long time since and there's a chance I may enjoy tobacco or a drink now, but there's also the fact that I should probably be happy that I never got into those. Two months ago, I began to realize that I don't even enjoy sex, which was a shocker to say the least. Up until that point, I had always been very curious as to what it felt like, and sex was something that I was looking forward to. Something else that I was looking forward to was a relationship, as I haven't had one to this day. However, as soon as I realized that I didn't enjoy sex, the appeal of having a relationship also began to decline. Things only went downhill from there. I've even been losing interest in watching shows and playing this game. Oh, and I also never really had a care for wealth either.

Now I'm at a point where nothing of the norm gives me pleasure or interests me, and I'm unsure whether anything at all interests me actually. I don't value money, I don't enjoy drugs, don't enjoy sex, don't enjoy playing basketball as much as I used to, and don't have nearly as much of a craving for relationships or even friendships anymore either. Not that I ever really had motivation, but right now I have absolutely none. I recently got the first job that I've actually earned, and have also finished my first semester in community college with a 3.2 GPA. The latter is actually an accomplishment for me, seeing as I graduated high school with a mere 1.7 GPA. However, it's been getting to the point where I'm considering quitting the job and taking a break from college. I don't really feel the need for money; I have more than enough clothes and don't really desire much else. As for college, I recently switched my major to Psychology and was supposed to start taking classes for it in the Spring, but now I'm even more unsure of what I want to do.

My counselor also suggested I start trying things out of the usual for me, such as skydiving. Or going on a roller coaster, which is something I still haven't done. I'm usually afraid of heights, but right now I wouldn't be reluctant to go on a roller coaster or anything of the sort. Though, I don't see myself enjoying it either. Any thoughts? Or are there any activities that anyone here thinks are super enjoyable and ones worth trying out? I haven't tried out much at all, so I'm open to trying just about anything that isn't completely ridiculous.

 

[Ortheore]

Fuck I know what apathy's like it's shit.

I personally haven't got too much to suggest. Your counsellor's ideas (skydiving etc.), while good in that you'll probably enjoy them, I think fall flat in that they don't seem to be the kinda things you can do frequently enough (could be wrong tho?). Anyway, definitely try new things. Also exercise is good, but I don't recommend the gym because imo it's boring as fuck. I would recommend basketball but if that's no good, any team sport should do. Soccer I think is pretty simple to pick up, maybe you could join a team on a casual basis. Exercise is good because endorphins and shit, but also the team component means you're accountable and feel obliged to show up even if you wouldn't otherwise feel like it.

Drinking and smoking are terrible ideas as I see it fwiw. Drinking especially since alcohol is a depressant, so if you've got depression it'll actually make it worse. When I drink, I don't get a headache or anything like that the morning after, but my mood is significantly worse for a good 2-3 days afterwards, tbh I'd rather a regular hangover. Also substance usage to moderate depression just generally seems like a bad idea.

Do you like to read, listen to music, play games, watch tv or movies or stuff like that? I've found those types of things are very hit and miss, as it's often hard to get into things, but even so, there should be plenty of stuff out there that you can still enjoy and when you do find stuff you can enjoy life becomes soooo much more bearable.

What's your job like? That's another obligation where you kinda have to go even if you don't feel like it. If you can make a few friends at work that becomes something that's kinda ok. I know you said you have zero interest in friendships, but if you're having to see these people at work anyway it can kinda just happen with practically zero effort on your part

Last thing I wanna address is this; what are you good at? Personally I enjoy doing things that I'm good at and it makes me feel better about myself. If you can think of something where you know you're pretty good at it, maybe look at doing more of that?

idk if this helped but oh well

 

[GotR]

The darkest days I've had in the past year have all been largely the same - they were days where I had large periods of time with nothing in particular that I was meant to do. Left to my own devices, I would sit and stare at my computer, not accomplishing anything and being generally miserable. Food didn't feel like it was worth the effort, so sometimes I didn't eat dinner even if I was hungry, and the things I usually enjoy doing in my spare time - playing video games and reading - couldn't hold my attention.

Forcing myself to follow my schedule was the only way I stayed sane. I had school each weekday, which sucked during class, but at the same time forced me to interact with my friends and teachers. I had university lectures and martial arts on a Monday night, which forced me to interact with two different groups of people and do physical exercise. Tuesdays sucked. Wednesdays I went to tennis training for an hour and a half. Thursdays and Fridays were spent on roleplaying games (such as D&D) at a university club and with my school friends. Saturdays I played competitive tennis in the mornings.

From my own personal experience, forcing yourself to follow through on your schedule helps. There were countless days where I got to a point where I didn't want to do any of the stuff I just listed above, but making up excuses to not turn up to stuff is something I've never been allowed to get in the habit of. So, I continued to show up to all the stuff I'd signed myself up for whether I was in the depths of depressive apathy or feeling fine and happy.

My advice is to keep doing the stuff you used to be doing. Don't drop basketball, don't stop talking to your friends, don't drop your job, and don't stop going to college. Pulling back from everything is going to leave you unhappy, without a support network to help you get through stuff, and without activities to take your mind off of how shit you feel. I don't care if it doesn't bring you enjoyment, I don't care if you think you won't find it useful later, I don't care if you find it tedious and repetitive - do it anyway, and maybe the feeling will start coming back. It did for me.

As for you counselor's advice, they're basically telling to you to out and live; to experience new things and maybe find something that you really like. I think it's awesome advice, especially because it gives you an opportunity to meet new and interesting people, but I don't think it'll work if it's all you're doing. You need some way to regularly drag yourself out of the house and ensure you don't fall spiral out of control and end up sitting on your own at home every day, not doing anything, and the things that'll work best for that are the things you've already signed on for - basketball, college, work, etc. If you're doing that, then you should absolutely try throwing yourself out there and doing new and different things.

 

[Manipulative]

Honestly just taking a shot in the dark but there's always basic exercising and/or going to the gym. I would have suggested running as this is probably one of the more accessible types of activities that most people can do, but the recent colder weather makes this harder to get into. Seeing that you tried out Basketball in the past, I felt like heading to the gym wasn't too bad of an idea. You'll definitely want to plan out what you want to do beforehand though. If you don't have the time nor the money for the gym, you can always either start or end the day with some basic exercises such as push ups, sit ups, etc. The idea is just forcing yourself to do something physically in order to get yourself feeling motivated to do something else. This is something off of personal experience as someone who's been struggling with a lack of motivation to anything for the past year, so this is purely anecdotal. It's definitely not something for everyone and the monotonous feeling might turn you away but I've always had the feeling of accomplishment and joy in seeing myself improve.

I've tried the gym out at some point but it's honestly more of a chore than anything. I may give it another go. But before I even got to that point, I'd probably just try getting into basketball again.

Fuck I know what apathy's like it's shit.

I personally haven't got too much to suggest. Your counsellor's ideas (skydiving etc.), while good in that you'll probably enjoy them, I think fall flat in that they don't seem to be the kinda things you can do frequently enough (could be wrong tho?). Anyway, definitely try new things. Also exercise is good, but I don't recommend the gym because imo it's boring as fuck. I would recommend basketball but if that's no good, any team sport should do. Soccer I think is pretty simple to pick up, maybe you could join a team on a casual basis. Exercise is good because endorphins and shit, but also the team component means you're accountable and feel obliged to show up even if you wouldn't otherwise feel like it.

Drinking and smoking are terrible ideas as I see it fwiw. Drinking especially since alcohol is a depressant, so if you've got depression it'll actually make it worse. When I drink, I don't get a headache or anything like that the morning after, but my mood is significantly worse for a good 2-3 days afterwards, tbh I'd rather a regular hangover. Also substance usage to moderate depression just generally seems like a bad idea.

Do you like to read, listen to music, play games, watch tv or movies or stuff like that? I've found those types of things are very hit and miss, as it's often hard to get into things, but even so, there should be plenty of stuff out there that you can still enjoy and when you do find stuff you can enjoy life becomes soooo much more bearable.

What's your job like? That's another obligation where you kinda have to go even if you don't feel like it. If you can make a few friends at work that becomes something that's kinda ok. I know you said you have zero interest in friendships, but if you're having to see these people at work anyway it can kinda just happen with practically zero effort on your part

Last thing I wanna address is this; what are you good at? Personally I enjoy doing things that I'm good at and it makes me feel better about myself. If you can think of something where you know you're pretty good at it, maybe look at doing more of that?

idk if this helped but oh well

I'm not sure I would enjoy any of those activities actually, but you're right about me not being able to do them frequently enough anyway. I also never really had a passion for anything other than basketball, so if I were to get into any team sport, it would most likely be getting back into basketball. Which I might do at some point. And yeah, I probably won't even try getting into drinking or smoking.

I hate reading lol, but that's mostly because I have severe attention problems. I'd say I have ADD, but that's yet another self diagnosis. I do like listening to music, but that's so very basic lol. As for TV/Movies, I was never really a movie guy. For shows, I've mostly stuck with anime but I've even stopped watching that for a little while now. I've been trying to get into "real" shows, but I don't think I have much of an interest there either.

I work in retail for a clothing store. Started last Monday actually and was liking it. It's just that I suddenly became exponentially more apathetic sometime during last week as well. Now I don't really care about it and don't feel like going in, but probably will anyway when my boss gives me hours. And yeah, I guess I've automatically made a couple of acquaintances at work, but I've had a lot of those before too and they never meant shit to me.

Don't know what I'm good at lol. In a more abstract sense, I guess I found myself good at being able to relate to and understand people, which is partly why I wanted to pursuit a helping field like Psychology. But yeah, not motivated to do that anymore either. Thanks for trying, and it's good to know someone else knows what this is like as well *_*.

The darkest days I've had in the past year have all been largely the same - they were days where I had large periods of time with nothing in particular that I was meant to do. Left to my own devices, I would sit and stare at my computer, not accomplishing anything and being generally miserable. Food didn't feel like it was worth the effort, so sometimes I didn't eat dinner even if I was hungry, and the things I usually enjoy doing in my spare time - playing video games and reading - couldn't hold my attention.

Forcing myself to follow my schedule was the only way I stayed sane. I had school each weekday, which sucked during class, but at the same time forced me to interact with my friends and teachers. I had university lectures and martial arts on a Monday night, which forced me to interact with two different groups of people and do physical exercise. Tuesdays sucked. Wednesdays I went to tennis training for an hour and a half. Thursdays and Fridays were spent on roleplaying games (such as D&D) at a university club and with my school friends. Saturdays I played competitive tennis in the mornings.

From my own personal experience, forcing yourself to follow through on your schedule helps. There were countless days where I got to a point where I didn't want to do any of the stuff I just listed above, but making up excuses to not turn up to stuff is something I've never been allowed to get in the habit of. So, I continued to show up to all the stuff I'd signed myself up for whether I was in the depths of depressive apathy or feeling fine and happy.

My advice is to keep doing the stuff you used to be doing. Don't drop basketball, don't stop talking to your friends, don't drop your job, and don't stop going to college. Pulling back from everything is going to leave you unhappy, without a support network to help you get through stuff, and without activities to take your mind off of how shit you feel. I don't care if it doesn't bring you enjoyment, I don't care if you think you won't find it useful later, I don't care if you find it tedious and repetitive - do it anyway, and maybe the feeling will start coming back. It did for me.

As for you counselor's advice, they're basically telling to you to out and live; to experience new things and maybe find something that you really like. I think it's awesome advice, especially because it gives you an opportunity to meet new and interesting people, but I don't think it'll work if it's all you're doing. You need some way to regularly drag yourself out of the house and ensure you don't fall spiral out of control and end up sitting on your own at home every day, not doing anything, and the things that'll work best for that are the things you've already signed on for - basketball, college, work, etc. If you're doing that, then you should absolutely try throwing yourself out there and doing new and different things.

Sorry to hear, that actually sounds like a shitty way to live. I can understand why keeping to a schedule is important though. Thing is, even if I don't drop my job and college, my schedule has a bunch of empty space in it that I don't know what to fill up with. I don't want to just blindly stick things that I don't like in there. I had dropped basketball over a year ago and might pick it up again just to kill time, but unless I invested insane amounts of time into it, I would still have too much free time x_x. I'm willing to try new things, it's just that I feel like if the thought of doing something holds literally zero interest, then I won't be enjoying it. And it's tough to find things that interest me. But uh, I'll try my best to keep myself from being in a position where I'm doing absolutely nothing all the time. And thank you.

 

[Sam I Yam]

Manipulative


Hey man. Sorry to hear you are going through that, I know it can be rough. Apathy was one of the biggest overarching issues I had to deal with from around 17-19 years old. Here’s a few tips:


Understand that this is temporary. Apathy itself is a temporary state of being. You are not lazy. You are not passionless. You are not boring. You are not any label you give yourself while you feel apathetic. Apathy does not define who you are, it defines how you feel.

Can you think back to what the trigger or cause of your apathy was? Was it one big event that put you down? Is there something big in your life that you just feel hopeless about? Try to think and see if you can recognize any kind of discernable cause. There may not be one – but if there is, it’s very important to identify.

Shake things up a little bit. Create a new morning routine. Talk to a new person. Something to break you out of your normal routine. A daily routine is very comforting for most people, but can sometimes also trap you in apathy and continued boredom.

What are some of the things that make you happy? One thing that helped me a lot was thinking of past joys. What made you come alive with enthusiasm and excitement? List specific elements of each situation that fostered good feelings. Take me for example: One of the things I thought back to was a work project (I know I’m lame). It made me feel valued; it created collaboration and it involved creativity.

Throw yourself a few softballs. Evaluate your life right now and see if you may be overlooking things that could foster some of the feelings/values you recognized above. Be it in your work, lifestyle, relationships etc. See if there are places you could focus a bit more attention and time in to reignite some of the feelings of motivation (or at least lessen the apathy)

Focus in on one thing. If you’ve been thinking about focusing in on some ideas/interests but aren’t sure which one to invest in (hence apathy), then try to match them to the values and feelings you outlined earlier. Which of those interests have the most potential to create the same enthusiasm you felt in the past. If you’re not completely sure that’s fine (If you’re apathetic you probably wont be “completely” sure about anything.) Just pick something anyway and focus on it for a while.

Snapping out of apathy is tough. It’s going to involve forcing change. If you can force it in well-considered but small and manageable increments, you will be just fine.

Hope this helps. You seem like a good dude. You’re very smart, a really realllly good competitive pokemon player, and you do an awesome job hosting player of the week. I’m glad you’re a part of this community. Feel free to PM me or hit me up on showdown if you ever want to talk more!

 

[Manipulative]

Sorry for the late reply, been a bit occupied. But thanks a lot, Sam!

I'd like to hope that this is only temporary. I actually do know what the trigger was, as it was quite recent. Unfortunately, it was something that's literally irreversible. That's largely personal though so I won't talk about it here.

I haven't tried shaking things up yet, but I'll figure something out. Probably by starting to get back into exercising or something. As for what makes me happy, I honestly don't know lol. At some point basketball and hanging out with friends were enough for me I suppose, but neither of those interest me now.

You're right about me not being completely sure on anything lol. Not even on whether I'm overlooking something or not, but I don't think I am. I don't really have anything to pick from. I've been trying to get back into watching shows recently and I've been getting a bit of enjoyment out of it I guess. But apart from that, nothing has been bringing me the slightest bit of enthusiasm. Focusing on shows sounds like a bad idea though, so I'll probably just force myself to get back into basketball and see if that leads me anywhere.

Really do appreciate your input, thanks! And yeah, we'll talk sometime!

 

[Morsel]

Manipulative

While of course you might have heard this before, exercise and proper eating and sleeping habits are super important. Counselling and medication can only do so much -- you have to force yourself into new habits and routines. I can go over the chemical benefits of exercise but for the sake of this thread I won't. In essence, it will improve your self-confidence, energy (which helps with motivation), and will to go out and do things (partly due to confidence). Even just going for a walk every day helps.


Eating at regular times and having some sort of schedule for that and most importantly eating healthy foods helps with energy levels and your ability to use your brain (work things out, make decisions, think things through, etc.) which in turn help deal with your lack of motivation. Similarly, focus on sleeping properly every night, as it assists with energy levels and in tandem with what I mentioned earlier helps with motivation. Just remember that despite what you might think, this isn't a permanent pitfall. Life has its ups and downs and eventually things do get better, and they will. It may be hard to see this now but don't think about where you'll be months down the line. Take it a day at a time and eventually (over months) you'll notice how far you have came in comparison to before. I hope this was helpful and good luck with everything. If you ever wanna talk just hit me up, it's important to help one-another.


Edit: Try not to be concerned with finding what makes you happy. That'll come naturally as you force yourself into various activities. For example, I never thought that I'd be interested in video and audio editing, but some people I met here got me into that, and I am now making content for Smogon's YouTube channel! My point is that don't think too hard about what exactly makes you happy -- involve yourself with as many people and activities as possible and it'll come to you.