Loneliness

[Plaessy]

How have you dealt with times in your lives where things are alright but theres just something missing?

Right now i can consider myself in an alright position, with my army service going smoothly in the direction i wanted it to, getting a license to drive trucks and such. I have lost weight significantly also, over 15 kilos, and money is becoming less and less of an issue.

But comparing it to my earlier years there is a huge difference: I didn't have things going well but I had a couple of incredibly meaningful friends, the kind I will always remember fondly. Over time though they disappeared in one way or another, leaving me to wonder what happened, especially to myself.

I do not know how to talk to people anymore, essentially. I'm always unsure to start a conversation because I think about silly things like do they really want to talk with me? If I do start, I can only do meaningless small talk that ends with me not knowing how to add up something meaningful to it, leaving it short-lived and awkward.

Due to this, I am narrowed to just challenge myself to deal with my whatever situations, not wanting to bother the only peeps I still have. This is all incredibly degrading to me.

Maybe this wasn't that much about emptiness but oh my fucking goodness did I want to vent out. Rambly, ofc. Please share your own experiences or advice, as little or good or bad they are.


Tl;dr I'm dying inside.

 

[Bad Ass]

well, hey, I'm sure that everyone goes through a period of loneliness in their life. I've been moving away from the first group of friends where I felt like I really belonged with them, and so right now I only have a few people who I really want to go and see regularly. What's worked for me is to use the time I have to do interesting things that I want to do. This helps me in a couple of ways: a) Accomplishing personal goals will almost always raise self-esteem. You don't feel inadequate or stupid if you set out a long, difficult task for yourself and complete it. b) Gives you avenues to meet new people, and things to talk about when you meet them. I struck up a conversation with a guy in class about some machine learning things (which I've picked up through doing a personal project). It was a fine conversation, at the very least a departure from the usual vacant trash, and we're gonna hang out and work on programming stuff. Maybe he'll just be a random programming friend, but maybe he'll be a guy I really click with -- point being, you throw your line out enough times and you're bound to catch a good one. Working on stuff you like is a way to help you throw your line out more.

sometimes good friends come from the strangest places. A kid once approached me out of the blue to compliment my Can t-shirt, and now we regularly get high in his apartment and listen to weird music. I wouldn't worry about bothering friends you know. Usually people who aren't into you will slowly cut contact with you by making excuses to hangout. If they're hanging out with you they like you.

In the end, nothing makes the loneliness go away, but maybe it helps to know that it is temporary and that most everyone goes through it. At least, that's what has always helped me.

 

[Cresselia~~]

Sometimes I feel really left out when all my friends have full time or part time jobs, whilst I'm not healthy enough to work.
My friends all earn their own money by now, and they can spend on whatever they like.

I know I should have been more grateful in life, because I have a really supportive boyfriend.
But seeing that he's the only one of us 2 who goes to work, I kinda feel sorry for him.

Somehow, I really am the kind of person who dislikes receiving help.
I'm the kind of people who gets satisfaction by helping people.
That's why I rarely spend money, but spend a lot on Fair Trade items.
Maybe because I'm desperate to want to feel useful.

 

[Plaessy]

well, hey, I'm sure that everyone goes through a period of loneliness in their life. I've been moving away from the first group of friends where I felt like I really belonged with them, and so right now I only have a few people who I really want to go and see regularly. What's worked for me is to use the time I have to do interesting things that I want to do. This helps me in a couple of ways: a) Accomplishing personal goals will almost always raise self-esteem. You don't feel inadequate or stupid if you set out a long, difficult task for yourself and complete it. b) Gives you avenues to meet new people, and things to talk about when you meet them. I struck up a conversation with a guy in class about some machine learning things (which I've picked up through doing a personal project). It was a fine conversation, at the very least a departure from the usual vacant trash, and we're gonna hang out and work on programming stuff. Maybe he'll just be a random programming friend, but maybe he'll be a guy I really click with -- point being, you throw your line out enough times and you're bound to catch a good one. Working on stuff you like is a way to help you throw your line out more.

sometimes good friends come from the strangest places. A kid once approached me out of the blue to compliment my Can t-shirt, and now we regularly get high in his apartment and listen to weird music. I wouldn't worry about bothering friends you know. Usually people who aren't into you will slowly cut contact with you by making excuses to hangout. If they're hanging out with you they like you.

In the end, nothing makes the loneliness go away, but maybe it helps to know that it is temporary and that most everyone goes through it. At least, that's what has always helped me.

You are absolutely right, these things just exist (and I should know this since I'm abiding to the stoic philosophy), but the thing is I have noticed how hard getting to know people is, and keeping up with them. Closest of my friends live a couple of hundred kilometres away which just doesn't work out in the long run, and when it comes to stuff like Tinder, it's a guessing game what the other wants to hear which can be distraughting at times. Staying hopeful about getting lucky is the only thing I can do rn.

Sometimes I feel really left out when all my friends have full time or part time jobs, whilst I'm not healthy enough to work.
My friends all earn their own money by now, and they can spend on whatever they like.

I know I should have been more grateful in life, because I have a really supportive boyfriend.
But seeing that he's the only one of us 2 who goes to work, I kinda feel sorry for him.

Somehow, I really am the kind of person who dislikes receiving help.
I'm the kind of people who gets satisfaction by helping people.
That's why I rarely spend money, but spend a lot on Fair Trade items.
Maybe because I'm desperate to want to feel useful.

I have to agree on the help thing. I always feel I'm extra weight if it ever goes into speaking about my problems. But I have always been so willing to support frens in their hard times.

 

[Ash Borer]

It really just sounds like you need more friends. It's hard, but your only solution is to put yourself in hard social situations and try to at least learn to make friends. Social skills are just that, a skill, they get better as you use them. It's hard to talk to people, and it makes you anxious, I know, and I have been there many times. But, it never gets better by avoiding it, and it eventually gets better by facing it. My methods of making friends is to have hobbies and join a social group related to them. Whether you're playing a video game, some kind of sport, or whatever, talk to people that might be like minded. Be friendly, interested in them and talk to them regularly, then invite them out to go do something, or add them on some kind of social media and talk to them there.