cityscapes
Take care of yourself.
2nd post with this new dumb name let's get it (not good at posting btw so this is gonna be bad sorry ig)
so unlike some of the other people in this thread, i was lucky enough to have a good family/living situation. but that didn't stop me!!!
if you're wondering i think the main flaw i have with this stuff is comparing myself to other people. this is really dumb. don't do it. i was kind of led into it from a young age ("oh you're so smart and have potential!" ruined my life. good job) and even when i know it's wrong i find myself doing it subconsciously.
i'm not sure if i'm actually depressed but my irl life is pretty bad at the moment. every day i feel so drained after and even during school. even when i make an effort to stay hydrated and stuff i just don't have the energy to do anything after school other than waste time on discord. sometimes this extends further into the afternoon and i end up not getting any homework done.
for some assignments, my brain literally just decides not to do it. it doesn't even try. it's like there's this block in front of it. "nope, not doing that." it's been doing this since middle school. i really hate it but what can i even do to get it out of the way?
now onto the other problem i got
i'm way too concerned about this stupid game and what people here think of me. sometimes i'm reliant on random people on the internet to cheer me up when i'm having a bad day and those situations don't always go like i want to because so many people are just so fake and won't help even if they're a "good chat presence" or something. and i don't blame them either. who would want to listen to this guy complain 24/7 about the latest dumb set on the ladder or really hard homework assignment or people thinking he's not good?
i don't have a way of seeking validation irl except in school, and you can kinda see how good that is for that when you look at what i've been doing in the above paragraph. every time i graduate from one school, all my friends go to a different one than me. this bad high school is even worse because it's so big. i know like 5 people in it and none of them are in any of my classes so basically i don't really know anyone
and this game isn't very fulfilling either! a few days ago i had this day where i was undefeated on ladder after 15 games. i felt nothing at all. this culture we have surrounding tournaments is really stupid because even though tournaments for the meta i play aren't official, they're still surrounded with so much prestige that winning these games felt expected of me. and when i lose, it's even worse. i keep telling myself this can't happen in an important game, i need to find out what went wrong, how could i have lost to such a bad set?
even though i spend most of my time on the internet, everything feels really dull. random youtube videos hold no meaning other than maybe to make me laugh. mons videos make me think i'm getting better at the game. i must have read every message on smogon by now. discord is just the same old messages by the same old people day after day after day. the only variety is tournaments because those feel like the only thing that actually matters here anymore
i try to do way too many things on this site too. i've tried playing pretty much every tier (in suspect tests where i make 1 alt then give up), i have my own trade thread, and i'm trying to take like 3 tiers + battle tree seriously all at once. the result is that i'm not really good at any of them except for balanced hackmons (and even then you never know)
yeah i could quit, but what would i have left? i'm not actually good at anything else and from what i've heard this is one of the best communities online. but is it really worth staying here when there are idiots who are actually turning the problems i have into a meme? my life is a meme already (don't ask about the details but yeah that happened. it sucked)
yeah i could get some kinda help but i'm honestly scared of what it could entail. what will my family think? will it make me fall behind even more on my assignments? is it really ok to tell people irl about this stuff?
i know a bunch of people are gonna read this stupid post and laugh. if you always post entitled stuff, people aren't really gonna take you seriously. but i thought it would be ok to post something like this here judging by other people's stories.
it's midnight and i just wanted to get this out of the way. sorry for not organizing this better but i tried
so unlike some of the other people in this thread, i was lucky enough to have a good family/living situation. but that didn't stop me!!!
if you're wondering i think the main flaw i have with this stuff is comparing myself to other people. this is really dumb. don't do it. i was kind of led into it from a young age ("oh you're so smart and have potential!" ruined my life. good job) and even when i know it's wrong i find myself doing it subconsciously.
i'm not sure if i'm actually depressed but my irl life is pretty bad at the moment. every day i feel so drained after and even during school. even when i make an effort to stay hydrated and stuff i just don't have the energy to do anything after school other than waste time on discord. sometimes this extends further into the afternoon and i end up not getting any homework done.
for some assignments, my brain literally just decides not to do it. it doesn't even try. it's like there's this block in front of it. "nope, not doing that." it's been doing this since middle school. i really hate it but what can i even do to get it out of the way?
now onto the other problem i got
i'm way too concerned about this stupid game and what people here think of me. sometimes i'm reliant on random people on the internet to cheer me up when i'm having a bad day and those situations don't always go like i want to because so many people are just so fake and won't help even if they're a "good chat presence" or something. and i don't blame them either. who would want to listen to this guy complain 24/7 about the latest dumb set on the ladder or really hard homework assignment or people thinking he's not good?
i don't have a way of seeking validation irl except in school, and you can kinda see how good that is for that when you look at what i've been doing in the above paragraph. every time i graduate from one school, all my friends go to a different one than me. this bad high school is even worse because it's so big. i know like 5 people in it and none of them are in any of my classes so basically i don't really know anyone
and this game isn't very fulfilling either! a few days ago i had this day where i was undefeated on ladder after 15 games. i felt nothing at all. this culture we have surrounding tournaments is really stupid because even though tournaments for the meta i play aren't official, they're still surrounded with so much prestige that winning these games felt expected of me. and when i lose, it's even worse. i keep telling myself this can't happen in an important game, i need to find out what went wrong, how could i have lost to such a bad set?
even though i spend most of my time on the internet, everything feels really dull. random youtube videos hold no meaning other than maybe to make me laugh. mons videos make me think i'm getting better at the game. i must have read every message on smogon by now. discord is just the same old messages by the same old people day after day after day. the only variety is tournaments because those feel like the only thing that actually matters here anymore
i try to do way too many things on this site too. i've tried playing pretty much every tier (in suspect tests where i make 1 alt then give up), i have my own trade thread, and i'm trying to take like 3 tiers + battle tree seriously all at once. the result is that i'm not really good at any of them except for balanced hackmons (and even then you never know)
yeah i could quit, but what would i have left? i'm not actually good at anything else and from what i've heard this is one of the best communities online. but is it really worth staying here when there are idiots who are actually turning the problems i have into a meme? my life is a meme already (don't ask about the details but yeah that happened. it sucked)
yeah i could get some kinda help but i'm honestly scared of what it could entail. what will my family think? will it make me fall behind even more on my assignments? is it really ok to tell people irl about this stuff?
i know a bunch of people are gonna read this stupid post and laugh. if you always post entitled stuff, people aren't really gonna take you seriously. but i thought it would be ok to post something like this here judging by other people's stories.
it's midnight and i just wanted to get this out of the way. sorry for not organizing this better but i tried