Incredibles 2 (2018) 8/10
Both CG animation and superheroes have improved a lot since the first
Incredibles. As I just rewatched that film, I can attest that the sequel is a major improvement. The timing in scenes is just much more on point. The story progresses in a rational way. There's more Frozone. And I thought Jack-Jack would be really annoying, but he's consistently hilarious and kind of awesome. The best scene involves a fight between Jack-Jack and Rocket Raccoon, who has fallen on very hard times since
Infinity War.
The Peanuts Movie (2015) 5/10
I really have to strongly express my appreciation for what this film isn't. It isn't a fart joke meme-filled movie set in the modern real world. It isn't even an animated film full of Hollywood A-listers with no voice acting experience. There's one or modern songs in it. I didn't like them, but they were no Shut Up and Drive. Speaking of,
The Emoji Movie 2 trailer looks
absolutely horrendous. But can I be appreciative of what this film is? It's a nostalgia grab for a franchise I'm not terribly nostalgic for, and if I was, I think I'd rather rewatch the old specials than sit through a complete retread. Great execution, but not much point in existing.
Following (1998) 6/10
Another really admirable low budget first film, this time from Christopher Nolan. Definitely a product of the era when he made confusing and ambitious films, but it's a bit unpolished compared to
Memento. I guess a $6,000 budget can do that. Very impressive stuff though and worth watching.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) 2/10
I almost gave this a three, because if you turn your brain off, I'm sure it's fun at times. But if you try to follow it, it's constantly annoying. It has some of the worst dialogue I've ever seen. And in action scenes, characters constantly just stand around and do nothing as danger approaches.
So the film starts with Jeff Goldblum talking to a senate hearing about how they shouldn't rescue these dinosaurs. "First we had nuclear power and look at that. Now we have genetic power". The senator asks him to elaborate. "We have genetic power now". It's like he was pulled over a DUI and he's trying explain himself to the cops. It's one of the worst written scenes I have ever witnessed. You could have replaced him with Tommy Wiseau, and you might as well have, because he's out of the movie now.
So Claire (she's the female protagonist) really wants to save dinosaurs and she drives out to the Resident Evil mansion of James Cromwell, the business partner of Hammond that we've never been told about before. This is the primary setting of the film where the characters interact with really only one dinosaur. There she meets Cromwell's granddaughter, whose mom died before she was born and it's a massive plot point that she's really sad that no one will let her see what her mom looked like. This was when I said the plot twist out loud in the theater. I'm too lazy to use hide tags, but if you haven't caught on, you're a fucking idiot.
They are hired by villainous badman to go rescue the velociraptor from the island. They take Chris Pratt, not Aubrey Plaza, and a random IT guy for comic relief. There's no reason for the IT guy to come. He doesn't want to be there, like, he REALLY doesn't want to be there. And he says out loud multiple times he doesn't know why he's there. Ha ha. Bazinga. Anyway everyone is like, don't tranq the raptor, because that could kill it, so they shoot it with bullets. Oh wow, Buffalo Bill is a villain too. He tranqs Chris Pratt and then tries to leave everyone to die for no real reason, as they aren't exactly breaking laws by going to this island and retrieving someone's private property.
Now I've seen a lot of composite volcanoes (pyroclastic flow) portrayed as shield volcanoes (magma). But I've never seen a shield volcano portrayed as a composite volcano, let alone both at the same time. Now in this scene, our heroes encounter one of those bubble cars from the first movie. Then a dinosaur shows up. So two of them get in the bubble. And Chris Pratt just stands there. I guess because dinosaurs don't see you if you don't move. But the bubble car exists so dinosaurs can't attack you. Then the door just shuts on him. Womp womp.
Everyone gets off the island and is taken to the resident evil mansion. Now an auction is going to be held for the dinosaurs. It's led by Toby Jones, whose first scene is also a gem. "4 million dollars" "You're wasting my clients time. The auction is off!" "100 million dollars"
hand grubbing intensifies. They introduce the only dinosaur in the film, the t-rex velociraptor. It's a weaponized velociraptor. If you point a gun at someone, the t-rex velociraptor will kill that person. That's literally how it works. So then Chris Pratt escapes with a single Shieldon and the two of them storm the auction hall, where they easily kill two mercenaries, because the other 48 were taking a smoke break for the rest of the film.
Here's a sequence of events. Buffalo Bill finds the cage with the t-rex velociraptor. He tranqs it twice, then opens the cage. He dies. The rest of the film is t-rex raptor chasing the main characters through the mansion.
I'm probably just scratching the surface. It's the worst Jurassic Park movie. And that's saying a lot.